GAYS AND NON GAY GAYS: A TRUE STORY

WARNING: This Blog Post contains objectionable language, but only used as part of a true story.

I graduated high school over half a decade ago.

High school for me was a time where I made incredibly daring fashion choices, rebelled in some of the most rebellious ways, dated an amazing girl named Amanda who was my better half at the time and my backbone in a era when emo wasn’t a word, indie wasn’t adjective and rock and roll wasn’t in Walmart.

What I mean is, people like me..errr..guys like me were ridiculed in the most vicious sense. Guys like me, meaning artists, or straight men with good fashion sense. I couldn’t wear the wild hair or the tight jeans or not be on the basketball or baseball or football or track team without being labeled as a “fag” or “gay”, and what infuriated those that chose to think those things about me and publicly say those things to me, is that I never let up and I never gave in. I just got more radical and more rebellious.

It was that weird time in Music and culture when aggressive rap rock and male chauvinism was the mainstream. A film like Bruno, the new mockumentary about a gay Austrian fashionista that shockingly depicts gay sex acts, while it exploits homophobia and bigotry in America , couldn’t exist and if it did was direct to video or HBO only.

It wasn’t yet at the point where calling people faggots in public was kinda un-pc, and Ellen DeGeneres wasn’t a talk show host, she was a lesbian that came out on her sitcom, only to have her sitcom tank in ratings and face cancellation shortly thereafter.

It was a brutal time for gays. What’s more, it was a brutal time for non-gay gays like me. No one ever talks about the stress and brutality that those types face.

But it’s 2009, and there is a black president and Ellen Degeneres has a hit show again. Bromance is a word considered in most regular joes’ vocabulary and everyone, including those that tried to make my life hellish in school, are now wearing tight skinny jeans.

So one would think it was safe to walk outside again right?

Gays and “non gay” gays have been accepted and there is no hate anymore. Everyone is made fun of by everything nowadays, and therefore all hate and bigotry is extinguished.

That was the very mindset that I had become comfortable in, and the very mindset that lead me into this flashback of scary scary high school bigotry days.

My trip to the mall in Temecula (the town I grew up in, and where I am visiting now and seeing family) wasn't totally planned. First of all, the mall here is a joke. It’s been given a facelift, a faux high-fashion makeover complete with high-end fashion boutiques, expensive restaurants and parking meters. It’s not a wonder to me now that my ragtag friends from the town of Hemet used to take the half hour road trip to my town of Temecula, what they called “The Mini OC”. It is just that, a wannabe city trying hard to have that carefree image of acceptance and art and culture, but in fact is a snap shot of 1999, where BMX bros and Active Ride Shops were the cool. The leaders of the pack. In all my days spent in supposed uptight and conventional towns like Provo Utah, I have never seen the face of hate quite like I have in good ol’ Temecula, where if you are being yourself, your a cock-sucker.

That’s exactly the slur I was slammed with while innocently waiting for my movie to begin at the theatre. The movie ironically, was Bruno.

Being in a band, even a signed one, does not make you safe from anything. Remember my Fame is Dead declaration? Well i have now learned, Cool is Dead.

I decided to walk around the mall and brave the halls of boring and uninspired standard mall stores. Yes under the guise of being a “cool musician dude”, I thought it was safe to troll as I please. I came upon a Macys, where i remembered they sometimes have sales on Ben Sherman clothing.

All of a sudden and unaware I looked like a “cock-sucker” (because they are so easy to spot) I was attacked by a group of youth I would like to call Glamis Guys and Glamis Girls.

(check this link if you don’t know what I'm talking about http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PuYC1Se-WWc)

Out of no where one of the Glamis guys, adorned in his dickies shorts and BMX rideshop hat and super bro soul patch and awesome gauged earrings and really rad tattoos, started addressing me with a lisp, one of those “cock-sucker” lisps. He started by making fun of my hat, a purple beenee, saying it was fierce and special. Then he began to call me a dick-sucker and said “burn cock-sucker burn”, as he walked away with his awesome posse.

I didn’t do a thing. I sort of stood there completely stunned and shocked at what had just happened. One could say I had it coming, perhaps because I was wearing a purple beenee, or skinny jeans or a black v neck tee. Had I deserved it? Had I brought it upon myself, and therefore should I have just rolled that shocking and abrupt slam off my back?

No one, gay, straight, black or yellow, should ever have to withstand any sort of

un provoked bigotry. I am all for, in fact a huge supporter of poking fun at yourself, and making fun of society and ridiculousness in society. Most of my friendships are based on making fun of each other. But that is allowed. Why? Because I love my friends and family, and they know that. They know that I wouldn’t ever cross the line on purpose, especially to hurt them intentionally.

So what was this flat out bully thinking when he approached me, the perfect stranger, at the most public of public places, a shopping mall, where all walks of life roam, and where it self seems to get most of its look, vibe and culture from fashion and art, and dare I say it, gays???

I had a decision to make. Do I confront the bully, in turn confronting all of the bullies and demons and superbros from high school? Do I start a fist fight? Do I call them “cock-suckers” back?

No. I don't do any of that. In fact, i do something completely unexpected. I follow them. I follow them, on their ass and give them the kind of awkward embarrassment that they were trying to vocally inflict on me, except I do it in a more subdued, creepy way.

It couldn’t have felt more satisfying to do to this group of people what was completely unexpected. They expected me to stay quiet, and disappear into the clothing racks. Maybe they expected me to shout something back, only to mess up the wording and have my comeback come out all wrong. They expected me to be hurt, but they didn’t expect me to follow them. They didn’t expect me to stand 3 feet way from them at every stop they made, at the phone kiosks and the massage chair kiosks and the Pac Sun and the Buckle and the Sun Diego and the Hollister. They didn’t expect for me to open my mouth and start wailing like a loud baby when ever they would look my way.

My phone rang in the middle of my revenge scheme, and as I spoke to my A+R guy Evan on the phone, planning a portion of the future of my rock band, I remained in earshot of the Glamis Crew. At one point, a white shirted Glamis said "what’s up?" to me, as if we were old friends from church or he’d once been my waiter at Denny’s or something.

He forgot only seconds before, he and his friends had me pinpointed as the gay guy in the purple hat that was cock-sucking his way all around the promenade. It wasn’t until the main bully, the leader of the henchmen, motioned me to come close, the way a drug dealer motions an unsuspecting child on a playground or the way a cheating husband gets the attention of a prostitute. It was sneaky, quiet and in a way, friendly.

“Why don’t you get the fuck away from me and stop following us around cock-sucker” he said with the eyes of a hungry velociraptor. It was at that moment I did what I always wish I had done in school. When a bully had me cornered in a locker room asking me how much I like dick, or when a pretty popular girl duped me into thinking she was my friend in class, only to be rooting on the naysayers and haters outside of the class room, when i was dubbed gay or fag for wearing a Smiths shirt to school or a tie or polyester or the color pink or tight pants or having a picture of Bono on my folder. My comeback at that moment was for all the kids everywhere that dealt with a douche-bag like this in high school or any other time.

I moved the phone receiver away from my mouth, placing it more towards my chin, and though I was in a very public area of the mall, directly in front of mall security and two T-Mobile employees, I looked that douchebag square in the eye and shouted in an ungodly manner “Who the hell are you coming up to me asking for sexual favors and then ridiculing me like this. I have no idea who the hell you are you creep!”.

His face turned away, his buddies began to walk towards the exit and the actual gay T-Mobile employee asked the group to leave the mall. It was as if in his own way, he was getting a little revenge on his own bully from his high school days.

As they left, I took a cue from advice I received from Branden, and shouted “Besides, it’s $50.00 for a bj!”

Moments later Chris showed up, wanting desperately to punch one of the Glamis guys in the face. We couldn’t find them to do so, and so he missed his chance, and we hurried to the theatre.

Why I bring this up is, frankly, to announce I’m coming out!

No not out of the proverbial or sexual closet, no I am happy being my ambiguous and artistic self, and don’t mind if any of you think I am one way or another for laughing in Bruno (for the second time) or for wearing something flamboyant on stage or for saying I love you and meaning it to my closest dude friends.

I am coming out and saying, I’m OK with GAY.

What I’m not okay with, in fact quite anti, is Glamis Guys and Glamis Girls. Bros that think it’s still cool to call anyone they want faggots to their face, to use racist and prejudice slams as a way to lift them up in front of their friends. I am extremely anti those dudes that think it is still a requirement to be good at sports if you are going to be a straight guy, and that of you even think about wearing the color purple, pink or yellow, you are a flaming cock-sucking queen.

Even as I continue to believe in God, and the church of my youth, I proclaim my belief that Gays are OK by me, and that rights should be given to all. All except the Glamis Guys and Girls, those people need their rights of marriage and heck, reproduction, violently taken from them.

Maybe that will teach them a lesson.

PREACH

Tyler

Fame is dead.

It is a seriously giant planet that we live on.

So much bigger than anyone considers.

Bigger than your scene, bigger than your school and bigger than the block you party on.

What have you done lately?

You aren't getting ANYWHERE in your drug circles and your weekend parties.

You aren't going anywhere but the same place you've been for years.

Your dreams are laced in drugs.

When were you born, and what have you done since?

I won't apologize for having success and listening to my spirit.

Don't talk to me now because you think I can help you.

If you didn't talk to me before, don't start.

I am not famous or in a famous band.

I eat more than lettuce and tofu. You sound stupid, uncultured and small when you make fun of me for being Vegan. I am not doing it because i am hip. I am doing it because I used to be a fat kid with no confidence.

I respect true artists that own their shit and stick with it and hustle it.

Those of you that blow hot air about me or my band doing something with our lives are jealous and narrow. Untalented and Invisible.

These are people that i consider famous:

Do you even know my musical crew?

Does anyone know Branden Campbell?

This dude walks all over and around all y'all with his cred, and you don't know shit about him.

This dude hustles so hard he should have his own planet by now. He has the most shiny gold heart around.

He represents like no other before him. His kids are going to so influential on society one day you may not be able to handle it. His wife basically invented the term deep cuts. She knows more about your favorite new wave band or your favorite Neil Young record than you will ever know. The Campbells are building an empire.

Did you know Elaine Doty is tougher than you, more feminine than you and more in tune with everything that is going on around you than you ever will be? She can sing with the angels on high, and get as gnarly as a wronged mother T rex when you cross her. She is militant and agile, misunderstood and totally memorable. Deal with it.

Chris Allen is not of this world. He may confuse you, but he will make you laugh. He wants nothing but the best for anyone, sometimes putting himself in the trenches so someone else can prosper. Yeah, and he just wrote that guitar lick that you can't fathom.

I won't apologize for the friends I have that you don't even recognize.

Let me tell you about the party your missing out on, the party you aren't invited to:

Has anyone ever met Adam Hochhalter?

He is not in the new nervous. he never has been. even if you swear you have a video of him performing. Adam one day will totally conquer the world and all you winners that forget his name will remember it, and remember that you are still doing what you did years ago when you would see my party walking down the street.

Scott Shepard isn't cruel. You don't even know him or where he's from. He dealt with a bi polar jagged toothed fairy witch for years, and I don't think he regrets a minute of it because now he gets to talk about that crazy bitch for days. She makes stories that much more peppery. His band is the last band allowed to use delay and time signatures and ambient vocals. No one else is now allowed to do this.

Has anyone ever met Hans Ringger? Of course you have, that dude is so popular. But do you really know him? This guy is compassionate and honest and knows so much LDS church trivia your head would explode. He has the most honest and true belief in his faith, even in his darkest days and I am continually inspired by him. He can make a car out of toothpicks while simultaneously whipping together homemade hummus, while getting 5 girls numbers and still remembering to call you just to ask how your day was. He is that indie. He knows nature like you know your closest friend. And he is in a fine ass rock band called Shark Speed. Fine Ass.

Chance Clift knows everything about you 10 minutes before you found out, and is so eloquent and dead on when he shares his opinions, you wonder why he is not hosting some 30 minute variety show on cable. He sees the world how it is and isn't afraid to tell you. He also plays music in his self titled project and is releasing an effort pretty dang soon.

How about Ashley Mollerup? This girl was the girl you hung out with for a time and then passed on because you thought there was someone cooler to hang out with. When you found out no one else was cooler, it was too late because she already turned you to dust.

How about Nate Pyfer? Dude is so crazy and intense, but will make your core shake with some of his songs. They are that emotionally resonant. He hustles so hard.

These people are my kind of celebrities. These people are famous.

Listen up Scene..Its not about that dj dude that used to love victim effect and now loves cut copy and spins at all the sway parties now. Its about DDVM, drinking DDVM's and dancing at DDVM.

It's not about pretending your LDS church mission was a two year indie vacation where you gave back to a community, it's about owning your choices and owning no matter how you look at it, you were a mormon missionary that believed once. Where did that belief go?

Its about Muse Music and Pennyroyal. Why not support both? Yes Muse is a litlle ghetto and usually has creepy remains of the old Steamers crowd hanging around it, but hey Pennyroyal kinda smells like a hospital and needs some menu help, especially with that giant kitchen. The way I see it, they are both establishments with people behind the counters trying to hustle their art and way of life and thoughts and you must respect that.

Go to Velour Live Music Gallery all of the time, not just when it is cool night at Velour Live Music Gallery.

Stop bitching about no one coming to your show, your exhibit, your establishment and get out and hustle your party to the masses.

Neon Trees is not famous. Neon Trees works its asses off. We are nothing but people that know what they want.

We barely know the killers, we are broker than you and your band can probably get more middle schoolers in colorful clothes out to your shows. We got a major label deal last winter, are flyingto New York in two days to start our record and may or may not be crazy popular in Canada this fall. This doesn't mean we think we are the shit. We know we are the shit. But you can know that too. You may think i am gnarly and have a dumb ass haircut and dress stupid. You may think we are trying to be cool and hip by having a girl drummer. You may hate our music and vibe and creation. But don't diss on us and don't cry as we set out and complete accomplishments and achieve goals. We respect you for doing your thing, respect us for doing ours. Anyone can do what you want if you really really want it. It's not about a record label. Its about living your dreams. Stop wasting away and disintegrating into mindless, worthless, spiritless zombies. You all are dead behind the eyes, even in your hip fashions that smell of mothballs and dust, you are still totally vacant.

But it isn't too late.

MY FAVORITE MOVIE-FILMS OF 2008

Judge me, judge me now judge me.

These are the films I enjoyed most from 2008.

In totally specific order.

20 ZACK AND MIRI MAKE A PORNO

-I think there was just something about this whole movie going experience. The purchasing of the tickets, and saying the title. The Sunday afternoon Adam and I saw it on. The weird demographic in the audience being us two, one or two college aged couples and a sprinkling of males sitting alone. Plus the token old guy. The movie it self was way funny. Brandon St. Randy?? Hello! Plus I never get my fill of Seth Rogen grunt talking, and Kevin Smith is Kevin Smith. Love him or hate him. I choose t o love him, for the sick and funny fat guy he is.

19 TWILIGHT
-Whoever it is that is reading this list is probably judging me hardcore, but Twilight had some moments. I never read the book, never heard of it even until summer. All of a sudden it was everywhere, and I guess I was just engaged in the pop culture mystique that Twilight seemed to have. The effects were straight to DVD bad, the baseball scene was awkward awkward awkward, but then there were those totally brilliant (am I allowed to say that) moments between the vampire Edward and the neo-goth diary poet girl Bella. The scenes where they were so connected. I guess I love a good romance as much as the next in “tune with his emotions” dude, and the next Lifetime television for women soccer mom. I even paid Adam admission to see it. He didn’t like it, but whatever.

18 VICKY CRISTINA BARCELONA
-Branden and I saw this and a billion other movies as part of our movie blitz 08 we seemed to have this last year. I was glad Branden was around to participate in what seemed like a bi-weekly occurrence at the cinema. This one was great. Not fantastic, not Matchpoint Woody Allen, which is my favorite of the modern Woody Allen pictures. But it had a great story, the acting was engaging and who doesn’t mind Scarlet Jo and some hot accents? I don’t! I especially loved when Branden shouted boo super loud when one of the characters cracked a mormon joke. He always has the best ways of sharing his testimony.


17 CLOVERFIELD
- Shaky cam is overdone, hell even sitcoms are using it. But Cloverfield was a phenomenon early last year, and it actually lived up to the hype in my eyes. It was clever, fun and thrilling. It wasn’t to nauseating and it still left some huge questions open at the end, which had me and my friends talking. The monster was pretty nasty, especially the little baby versions, and the concept was ultimately fun if not anything else.




16 NICK AND NORAHS INFINITE PLAYLIST
-Michael Cera is just funny. He plays himself in everything, but that isn’t bad yet. Plus i feel we’d hang out in real life because he has the same sense of humor I do. This movie made me want to be a gay asian kid in Brooklyn. Well ok not totally, but it also made me want to have a dreamy music filled weekend where everything is simple, yet completely life altering. I think this one is on par with the great teen films of the 80’s, and if I was in 9th grade, I’d watch this everyday. Instead i’ll watch my Bit torrented copy every couple months on random sunday afternoons when I’m wishing I had a someone to love and a I was near a cool city to love them in.



15 RACHAEL GETTING MARRIED
-Heavy metal, this movie was. But it also did an incredible job of making me feel awfully awkward. Over long scenes, shaky cam technique and ad libbed scenarios combined to make this story of a girl getting out of rehab and facing her family and her life, head on. What a great and uncomfortable first few post rehab days to have too, and what a great backdrop to have them in. Weddings are sort of this phony weird emotional time, not just for the bride and groom, but the entire party.



14 THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN BUTTON
-This film had it’s flaws sure, but what a sweeping story. What a huge sweeping story. I love most of David Fincher, in fact Zodiac was my number one film of 07. Benjamin Button was slow to pace, but in an ok way. The development was surprising and predictable at the same time. You knew he’d die, but you wanted to watch his experience. You longed for love, like he did. I think the film especially turns gold about the period of time when Benjamin and his lost love reach the same age, and from then on the film is a haunting and beautiful piece of film making.



13 REVOLUTIONARY ROAD
-Another film that didn’t let up on the heaviness. The story of a couple’s failing marriage in 1950’s suburbia is both haunting as well as effective. I thought of a lot of things after this movie, and that’s something I love about a film. If it’s profound, you think about it for days. The best kind are the ones you aren’t sure you like or not till you dissect them. Plus the acting was just through the roof.



12 ROLE MODELS
Role Models isn’t trying to reinvent the wheel, just polish it up a little. What emerges is a memorable slice of modern slapstick, with charm to spare and just a touch of soul. Plus a ton of Kiss references, which for a huge fan of Detroit Rock City and also a guy not afraid of being a nerd, this movie hit my funny bone plenty of times.



11 THE WACKNESS
-A delightful feel good, decorated and disguised as a drug dealing downer. I really connected, for some reason. I enjoyed the soundtrack, I enjoyed Ben Kingsly and I enjoyed the amazing ode to Billy Jean scene. Also, Summer time in the city is never a bad time. The elements of a laid back main character, bits of comedy and a summer romance made this little film have the effect of a big, fat high.



10 LET THE RIGHT ONE IN
-Most definitely the anti-Twilight of 2008, this vampire romance epic from Sweden is everything that Twilight isn’t. Being a fan if the Twilight film for the scenes between the two main characters alone, this vampire saga stands a little taller, as it successfully combines horror with smart storytelling. Gory and poignant both at the same time, and done with style and mood.



9 DOUBT
-I tend to enjoy films made from stage plays. There is something about the ensemble casts and the claustrophobic settings that make the films intimate. There isn’t anything big or extravagant about this film. It’s dull color and scenery actually is a plus, and the acting is superb. The theme is carried extremely well, and the outcome is somewhat comedically creepy.



8 SEX AND THE CITY
-I know, I know. If you didn’t stop reading my list after I put Twilight on it, you should be considering stopping by now. I won’t apologize though. I loved the television series. Loved is an understatement. I couldn’t help but be entertained by the romanticism of New York City and the search for love. The film is big, glossier and less smart version of that, but still plays well. It’s actually the most riveting of romantic comedies in a long time. It has depth beneath the high fashion and product placement. It has a theme, gorgeously vibrant scenes and some gripping and painful acting by the jilted actresses. Most of all it was more of the show I wore out from watching and continue to where out when I’m feeling like doing nothing but escape to a fantasy world of over examination, questioning of the heart and the quest for true love. Sorry but everyone needs a little bit of that sometimes.



7 WALL-E
-I have only seen Wall-E once, and will never see it again. Not because I didn’t like it, because in fact I loved it. But because of the night I saw it, and the moment It was for me. It was a lonely thursday night in the summer. All friends and family were out of town, and the weather was extraordinarily perfect. I took a bike ride through old neighborhoods under a blanket of stars and space, over to the Promenade to watch the midnight showing. I felt like I was 10 again. I somehow had wonderment and awe for a moment. I somehow wasn’t a jaded 24 year old, and instead I was a curious and hopeful young boy again. This film did that for me. I can’t really explain anymore, but Wall-E truly had magic.



6 GHOST TOWN
- After a year or two of really awesome but really really crude comedies, this one came as a pleasant surprise. The jokes were funny, the scenes were paced well. Nothing was forced or to over the top. The romance was realistic and did i mention this was funny funny funny? Funny with a side of moving = one of my favorite nights at the cinema this year, and the only film I repeatedly recommended to others.

5 SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE
-I really liked this movie. There were things I didn’t flip over, but the story was so gripping and cool, that the it’s flaws sort of faded. I love a film that keeps you entertained, makes you think and looks cool as well. And this is one of those films.



4 PINEAPPLE EXPRESS
-My favorite comedy of 2008, only for how unapologetically extreme it was. Dabbling in all sorts of genre, but thoroughly funny, this Seth Rogen anchored epic tells the story of un- assuming best friends, making there way out of the uncomfortable situation of witnessing a murder, all while ridiculously high. Violent, funny and a little bit moving, Pineapple Express was is the best comedy of 2008 and a million times cooler and funnier than Tropic Thunder.



3 THE WRESTLER
-The Wrestler climbed to the top of my list with as much force as Mickey Rourke’s performance of washed up 80’s pro wrestling hero. The character of Randy the Ram was brutal, heartbreaking and lovable in a strange way. While the film was as entertaining as it was heartbreaking, it also was a successful examination of three people trying desperately to get out of where they were. A Bruce Springsteen title track doesn’t hurt either.



2 THE DARK KNIGHT
- I have loved Batman and everything related to Batman since i was I small boy. I remember when I saw this, and how huge and exhilarating it was. Adam and I were sweating. My chest almost hurt and I’d felt like I had been running for miles. The Imax experience may have upped the breathtaking ante, but alone, this film is a brilliant saga of crime, crime-fighting and fighting for justice. It’s also brilliantly acted, darkly funny and eerily resembles a chaotic and corrupt world we live in already. These days, a real life Joker isn’t too unimaginable. It’s a testament to Heath Ledgers performance that as funny and cool the Joker was in this movie, you were still scared to death of him.



1 MILK
This is the best film of the year. Regardless of what you think about homosexuality, gay rights, gay marriage etc. This film is inspiring and incredibly moving. It made me want to stand up more for what I believe. It made me want to get involved more in change. Brilliantly acted, visually cool and interesting and ultimately inspiring, Milk is the best film of this year and the most moving film I have seen in quite a long while.